I haven’t written for a very long time. Mostly because I simply didn’t have the time. Even when urgent matters were finished, I took on those that were not urgent, but needed to be done. The war has taught me that it is advisable to use all my free time for preparation. Because when a critical situation arises, it will be too late to prepare. Secondly, life experience has shown that you never know how much free time you will have “tomorrow.” Now you have some free time, so you’d better use it for a long-term task, because anything can happen, and next month, for example, you simply won’t be able to devote time to this task. That’s why I tried to devote all my free time to preparation, that is, to do long-term things so that the day when they become urgent would not come.
To better understand the situation, you need to realize the army principle — when you are told to do something, they are NOT interested in how you can do it, they will say, “Well, you have time to sleep, so why don’t you have time to complete the task?” You will have to do it, and no one will care whether you are able to do it, whether you want to eat, sleep, or rest. I don’t know about anyone else, but for me, this is a terrible situation. I’ve been there, and I don’t want to find myself in that situation again, to the point of panic. That’s why I thought so much about preparation. The word “preparation” is probably not very appropriate here. In other words, you can say this: do everything you can to avoid getting into a situation where you have to, say, do in 3 hours what you can do in 2 days at your own pace, or do in 2 days what you can do in a week at your own pace, and so on.
Therefore, setting aside time to write articles was something like sacrilege for me. And that was one of the main reasons why I didn’t write for so long. But now the nightly fear has subsided a little, and I have calmed down a bit. And I decided to gradually set aside time, when I have it, to write articles.
It took me a long time to accept the situation I found myself in. It’s hard to describe everything. The only thing I can say for sure is that the process is moving forward, and my rejection of the situation I find myself in today is much less than it was a month ago.
I came to the realization that “Yes, life has stopped, but the struggle, the real struggle, has begun. Yes, it is necessary to recognize and accept that it has stopped. But also to realize that it has begun.” Below, I will explain what all this means.
For a long time, I could not accept that in many ways, life had stopped. I can’t see or spend time with my family and friends. I have no leisure time as such; I can’t sit down and watch a movie in peace, I can’t go for a walk, etc. To better understand, add any hobby, favorite habit, or other leisure activity to this list. But why go so far? I have forgotten what a shower is. For two months now, I have been “washing” myself with wet wipes. I even clean my head with wet wipes (I take a wipe and rub my hair with it). Doing laundry here is a very difficult task, so I wear my clothes until the very last moment. As I wrote above, I couldn’t even write articles.
And the problem is not only the lack of time. The problem is the atmosphere itself. There is an almost constant atmosphere of tension and slight anxiety. Something could happen at any moment. When one side launches an attack, everything here boils over. You simply cannot “relax” and do what you love in such a situation. Some people can; I’ve seen guys playing computer games, and I don’t understand how they have the nerves to do it. And in such a situation, your “life” stops. Only now have I gradually begun to accept that I live in such a reality. That’s what it means — life has stopped.
But on the other hand, it has energized me quite a bit; I am constantly forced to step out of my comfort zone. And all the ideas about fighting for everything good against everything bad — they have become closer. I am going through a fairly intense process of transformation and am involved in a truly good cause. What I used to think – “it would be good to do this and that” – I am now much closer to achieving. I am involved in a truly good cause and am pushing myself in a way I probably never have before. And if before I just sighed sadly because I didn’t dare to challenge myself, now I am, so to speak, in the middle of that challenge. If I was afraid of this struggle before, now I am fighting.
Before, I had “my comfortable and pleasant life” and there was no real struggle, but now I don’t have “my comfortable and pleasant life,” but there is a real struggle.
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