I found myself in a very unpleasant situation. My plans and hopes that I could be fit for service in the rear were shattered.
One of my close acquaintances was almost the embodiment of Russian propaganda. More precisely, he was for Ukraine and its victory, but he fell victim to Russian propaganda. As soon as he found out that I had received my draft notice, he started calling me and telling me everything that Kremlin propaganda had so professionally and carefully put into our heads. He began to say that as soon as I appeared at the TCC, I would immediately be given boots and sent to the trenches. He said that no one there looked at anything, that they took everyone and sent them to the trenches — the lame, the blind, and the crippled. And that Ukraine had almost lost. The insidiousness of propaganda is that it doesn’t just tell lies, it carefully adds and mixes them with the truth. And even when I understood that this was Russian propaganda, I didn’t know where the truth was and where the lies were. So it all caused a lot of fear.
So, on the one hand, you are frightened by all this information.
On the other hand, my conscience told me that I had to help Ukraine in any way I could. Of course, I was tormented by being a draft dodger.
Also, I had quite a few acquaintances who joined the Armed Forces of Ukraine as volunteers from the very beginning. Some of them were wounded, but thank God no one died.
Also, this friend of mine told me about the real situation, that many of his coworkers had already received draft notices, and not just one. He said he had seen whole stacks of these notices himself. And that they just continued to go to work and no one did anything to them. He said, “Well, look, after July 16, in theory, the state will have to put all men between the ages of 25 and 60 who did not come to the TCC behind bars. Right now, there are about 6 to 10 million such men in Ukraine. How can the state put 6 million men behind bars at the same time?”
To be honest, those were very tempting words. You could really just hide out in a basement somewhere and that would be it.
But that choice conflicted with many of my principles. Before that, I told myself that whatever God wills will be. In this way, I did not completely run away from my responsibility, but simply relied partly on what God would give me. Yes, of course, there was a lot of cunning and a little hypocrisy in this, but still, it did not conflict so strongly with my conscience.
Moreover, by the age of 37, I saw that life has a certain inertia, or more precisely, cause and effect. For example, when I was faced with the choice of whether to flee the country or stay at the beginning of the war, I understood that this choice would have very serious consequences. I understood that this choice opened up two paths for me. That is, you don’t just make a choice here and now, you choose the path your life will take.
So now I understood that if I chose to hide “completely,” it would affect my whole life. In other words, the consequences of this choice would once again set my life on a certain path. And even after Ukraine’s victory, these consequences would continue to affect my life.
In other words, I intuitively understood that it would not be possible to completely escape my responsibility for a while and then, after the victory, become a fighter for all that is bright and good again. At least, a straightforward and uncompromising person like me would not be able to “change sides” like that.
On the other hand, I understood that as soon as I crossed the threshold of the TCC, there would be no turning back, and then it would be impossible to dodge and evade.
It was a very difficult choice and a difficult situation. I was really confused and didn’t know what to do.
On that day, I got up at 4:30 a.m., went early in the morning and had an MRI. Then I took a whole bunch of other tests and blood tests that the neurologist prescribed.
I understood that it was unlikely to work out. But I was confused and just didn’t know what to do. On the other hand, I understood that something had to be done.
After that, I came home and slept for a couple of hours. When I woke up, I just went to sit in the yard and think. There, I talked to my friend Anna. I told her about my situation and said that I currently saw two options: 1) I told her that I had seen an article saying that some professions were currently offering reservations; 2) I told her that I had seen professions from the Armed Forces of Ukraine on work.ua, and that there were more or less options that were not related to assault and trenches. I immediately shared that I found the first option repulsive. Anna said that this option was unlikely to work because in order to get a job with a reservation, you need a referral from the military registration and enlistment office, which means it’s a vicious circle.
So I finally decided that I would look for a job on work.ua.
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